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Saturday, April 7, 2012

Ways to Annoy People

from: Stradmore Notes
Bold sentences are the ones that have check in the Stradmore Notebook. ;)
  • Organize a bunch of people in one class to emit a low humming noise, keeping straight faces.
  • Superglue coins to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.
  • End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".
  • TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetteerr ttwwiiccee.
  • When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
  • Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat behind you, & ask for one extra copy of each handout.
  • Spend the lecture blowing Kisses to other students.
  • Wear a cape with a big "S" on it. Inform classmates that the "S" stands for "stud".
  • At the end of class, shake everyone's hand and say, "It was nice seeing you at class today".
  • While taking notes, repeat whatever the teacher says as you write it down.
  • Make eye contact with each classmate.
  • Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip".
  • Speak only in a "robot" voice.
  • Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
  • Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".
  • Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
  • Insert nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  • Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  • Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
  • Drum on every available surface.
  • Set alarms for random times.
  • Honk and wave to strangers.
  • ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  • Pay for your dinner with coins.
  • Repeat everything someone says as a question.
  • Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmap.
  • Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
  • Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
  • Make appointments for the 31st of September.
  • Pay tolls with $1000 bills.
  • Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.
  • Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
  • Chew other people's pencils.
  • Shake with your left hand.
  • Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now".
  • Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  • When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention".
  • When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
  • Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
  • Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
  • When IM-ing, spell everything incorrectly.
  • Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
  • Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
  • Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
  • While going down in an elevator, scream "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.
  • Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.
  • When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you.
  • Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know".
  • Put the wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers.
  • When talking to someone, tilt your head to the side.
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